top 10 of 2005.. new word = ACKGAR!

ACKGAR! procrastination is stinky. finals are coming up next week... i knew i shouldve started studying earlier instead of wasting my time watching soap operas and oprah...ACKGAR!

i have so much reading to do for art history... mainly concerning stone tablets... kill me now! oh well... that's fine... studying for school takes my mind off of other shit.



top 10 things ive learned in 2005 (random order):

1) it's about time i learn to think about what's good for me instead of worrying about other people all the time. call me selfish but i really dont give a shit anymore about a lot of things. everyday i grow up a little more, learn a little more and become a little wiser. there are some people i viewed almost as family who i realize now have only truly used me to benefit themselves. that's okay... like i said, you live and you learn. it's sad in a way too though, cos when they needed your help they would come to you and then after things settle down, you hardly ever hear from them again unless there's another problem to be dealt with. but oh well... i used to feel really hurt when i came to this realization but now i just dont give a shit. no expectations = no pain.

2) ive learned to take things pretty lightly now. i know im ultimately in charge of what happens next in life. i cant let my heart get the best of me anymore. my greatest weakness is that i dont think with my mind most of the time. that will change... mostly that has changed, though i still have a lot to work on.

3) money is nothing if i dont have people to share it with. ill never make that mistake again... it was just not worth the frustration and deception. those who know me know what im talking about.

4) the people i used to feel really bad for and the people who i vowed to help no matter what... i see as more pathetic now. i know that sounds mean but it's true. they think the world is against them and all they do is ask 'why is this happening to me' when they're in trouble. holy shit... SHUT THE FUCK UP. i believe life is really cause and effect... one action leads to a certain outcome... there is no such thing as bad luck. if you fuck up, you have to ready to face the consequences and not blame all your problems on an outside source. it's ignorant. sure, sometimes shit happens, but that's life... doesnt mean everything's against you. honestly, i find that when i talk to people who are nothing but cynical and pessimistic, it completely brings my mood down too. i dont need that shit.

5) too much smoking = 80 year old lungs. you really dont truly understand that until you feel like you're going to die climbing up the stairs in buchanan D to get to class. so i quit! no more spending a shit load of money to fill my lungs with tar. it was easier than i thought it would be... no pain at all... decided to quit one day and havent had a cigarette or the urge to have one since then. woohoo to me.

6) all good things come to an end... but so do all bad things. as long as im alive, i know i can get through anything. there's always hope... and with determination comes success. no matter how hard things get, there will always be a tomorrow if i want there to be. i have zero tolerance now for people who think ending their lives would solve their problems. it's selfish, it's ignorant and if i hear that one more time, i will start lecturing... and no one likes it when i go into lecture mode.

7) i learned that im stronger than i ever imagined i could be. but i also realized im not the person i always thought i was. i always thought i was invincible, no one could bring me down and i would always be logical in my decision making. nahhh... im way more human than that. but that's okay... the more i know myself, the better the decisions i will make and the wiser i will be.

8) i HATEEEEEEE retail... more specifically selling clothes. i hate folding... i hate finding sizes for people and i HATE being all happy all the time while telling someone "oh the way these pants are made really elongates your legs"... i heard that on oprah one time so i decided to use that for every fucking customers that came in to buy pants. it works... but it's total bullshit... i almost felt embarassed saying it so many times.

9) life is cringe-worthy! everybody has a sad story... everybody has hard times... nothing more to do than to deal with it and move on.

10) one of the most important lessons ill take with me is that underneath the turmoil, frustration, heartache and betrayal, people are ultimately good. there will always be a few people who will hurt you, try to bring you down, try to use you... but in the end, everybody has somebody to lean on and there's always a reason to smile. there are humanitarians, strong activists, and personally, there are those who make my life better simply because they are who they are. and as long as they're happy, im happy. yes... it's as simple as that!


this is going to be a great christmas and it's going to be a great new year too.


tina and ang: keep on smiling =) ... u guys bring nothing but great times in my life... =D






hope you all get what you want this year... you deserve it =)